Hi Hello.
Changed my mind about not blogging. Cause im just to lazy and my mood today is seriously dull. I don't know why. Today is coming to an end and soon tomorrow will be a new day. And that also means another day will pass and soon the big day. Im so nervous and at times like now im seriously lack of any confidence. May god bless me. I mean,i did study,but eventually things turned out different you see. I better expect the worst out of the entire thing cause i know how i suck in studies. Bleah. Im so demoralised by my own words. Heh.
Momma's gona have her menopause soon i suppose. She really grouchy,cranky,irritating and all the other vocab words that explains how a menapausing women would ever behave. She's really like giving me face as if i did some stupid things. Well,as if i did or she thinks,i am doing a stupid mistake. God damn la. I feel like leaking every single shits that she had ever done man. Im really frustrated with her and all that oldies of wanting to lead my life the way they want as to see themselves being happy and proud instead of me. How fucked up can that ever be. Im just too lazy to communicate with anyone today. Really. I think sleeping for long hours will help a big time. Grr.
She's been like constantly reminding me with who i should or should not date. Hello mom,im EIGHTEEN this year,please stop trying to plan my route of life. Its not that im being rude,i know all mother wants the best for their child BUT not everything they do is the best. This is so sickening i tell you. Brrr. Such things can really make me stressed up. Only close friends know what the hell im talking about. Damn it. All because of that meet up. Im so dumb. I think i mustn't be open to her about any BGR things. She's sucha hag. Grr. I don't understand her and i can never do that. Even if she's afraid that im going to be bad,well i am already crushed. Im crushed by whatever it is. Im just a rotten apple somehow. Thats a hidden fact that is transparent to her. She always wants to see me by her all the way. I mean,this is not matter about controlling me or what. But i think her tight control about whether i should go or do what i want made me this way. Sometimes like now i blame myself,but for herself,her never ending controls which is purposeless in a sense caused her daughter's life almost crushed. She have yet realised that.
Mir is constantly reminding me not to think about how she actually thinks about us. I mean,i myself know what we went through. Mir and i we are just trying to learn how to communicate like before. She on another hand is bringing me down. I mean,i know it isnt easy for her to accept,but she just got to. I cnt sacrifice all my happiness just for others right? I really need to like fight for what i deserve. But everytime i do,i'll end up giving up halfway like how i wanted hafiz and it turned to another way. I was totally crushed by him and all sort of shits he did even when my intention to have him was because of love. But him on the other side? God knows what the fuck he ever want from a girl like me. And now when i wanna run from those crushed feelings,mom's bothering me with her nags and constant reminds which are never ending.
Tell me what the fuck am i going through. Why things are super complicating for me. I feel that im a grown up like in a too fast mode which made all my happy going teenage life a much dramatic one. Bleahh. I'll stop here. Im just exhausted by all those people who's controlling me and this life.
Changed my mind about not blogging. Cause im just to lazy and my mood today is seriously dull. I don't know why. Today is coming to an end and soon tomorrow will be a new day. And that also means another day will pass and soon the big day. Im so nervous and at times like now im seriously lack of any confidence. May god bless me. I mean,i did study,but eventually things turned out different you see. I better expect the worst out of the entire thing cause i know how i suck in studies. Bleah. Im so demoralised by my own words. Heh.
Momma's gona have her menopause soon i suppose. She really grouchy,cranky,irritating and all the other vocab words that explains how a menapausing women would ever behave. She's really like giving me face as if i did some stupid things. Well,as if i did or she thinks,i am doing a stupid mistake. God damn la. I feel like leaking every single shits that she had ever done man. Im really frustrated with her and all that oldies of wanting to lead my life the way they want as to see themselves being happy and proud instead of me. How fucked up can that ever be. Im just too lazy to communicate with anyone today. Really. I think sleeping for long hours will help a big time. Grr.
She's been like constantly reminding me with who i should or should not date. Hello mom,im EIGHTEEN this year,please stop trying to plan my route of life. Its not that im being rude,i know all mother wants the best for their child BUT not everything they do is the best. This is so sickening i tell you. Brrr. Such things can really make me stressed up. Only close friends know what the hell im talking about. Damn it. All because of that meet up. Im so dumb. I think i mustn't be open to her about any BGR things. She's sucha hag. Grr. I don't understand her and i can never do that. Even if she's afraid that im going to be bad,well i am already crushed. Im crushed by whatever it is. Im just a rotten apple somehow. Thats a hidden fact that is transparent to her. She always wants to see me by her all the way. I mean,this is not matter about controlling me or what. But i think her tight control about whether i should go or do what i want made me this way. Sometimes like now i blame myself,but for herself,her never ending controls which is purposeless in a sense caused her daughter's life almost crushed. She have yet realised that.
Mir is constantly reminding me not to think about how she actually thinks about us. I mean,i myself know what we went through. Mir and i we are just trying to learn how to communicate like before. She on another hand is bringing me down. I mean,i know it isnt easy for her to accept,but she just got to. I cnt sacrifice all my happiness just for others right? I really need to like fight for what i deserve. But everytime i do,i'll end up giving up halfway like how i wanted hafiz and it turned to another way. I was totally crushed by him and all sort of shits he did even when my intention to have him was because of love. But him on the other side? God knows what the fuck he ever want from a girl like me. And now when i wanna run from those crushed feelings,mom's bothering me with her nags and constant reminds which are never ending.
Tell me what the fuck am i going through. Why things are super complicating for me. I feel that im a grown up like in a too fast mode which made all my happy going teenage life a much dramatic one. Bleahh. I'll stop here. Im just exhausted by all those people who's controlling me and this life.