Ahhhh. At last! at last i can blog about what i really am feeling now. I've been feeling really bad these days. Was happy, but its been a week that things are super rocky. & i hate the fact that it is rocky. Hmm.
Okays, so on the err, wednesday the one that i blog about dramatic incident in school. Hmm, it was about the bridge leaders meeting that they were all having la. Hidayah was involved in the meeting and all and i heard fights occur. Between Brian and Fik. Hmm, it was darn dramatic. The aftermath i mean. They went okay and had a good talk. After which i just talked to fik asking him whats up and all. As a friend and i didnt mean any single thing cause he was punched and i just aked what happened. But he somehow ended up crying in front of me, went all red and that shocked me so much that i just kept so quiet. Tried to make him okay. Believe me, i dont even know why im doing this for a fact he did shits to me from time to time. Hah, whats new. Qad, the one with patience -.-" Haha. & he told me how weak he is after i left, after he lost me. He kept crying but i didnt believe anything he said because i just kept reminding myself that he is just good at words. All i could say to him was fik move on and bla3. And yeah.
He text me later at night, but i didnt reply cause it was talking about us. How would hilmi feel if i were to be in contact with the past. I dont mind if fik talks about school or cca or work cause its nothing personal. But if its about us, neh. I dont wanna take the risk of falling into his arms. (:
On another hand, things have been really rocky between me and hilmi. Sigh. Its been really rocky and its just difficult trying to understand him. Im trying not to be very paranoid but to no avail. But what can i do and how can i not be because the fact is he just couldnt find a time to make things okay. I mean okay, he talks about the problem, he kept assuring things are fine and at the same time, the problem will be again, repeated. The one post i had, was for him, remember? Hmm. I delete it because, he claims that its of our personal problem and he does not want it to be published. I respected that, because i think its true that things are just meant for us, not who ever. Bu its just . . . It seems that we are two world apart. Im trying to get the hang of it. Hmm, i hate the fact that he doesnt care as much as he did once before. I dont expect much, probably just a daily night chat or a afternoon call. Just a simple one. Sigh. People change its just difficult. Its only a month dating but its turning, so urgh. Stressful.
Its difficult to be thinking about him and his world. Its difficult to understand and he trying to understand but still he can never understand. Its just so difficult when you keep trying to make things best but the other party try not to even bother. What the fuck. Urgh. I hate it, i hate it. But like i say, im not hoping, but im praying, im trying, i just wanna give the best shot to make things work especially having patience. Lots and lots of it. I'ma wait but as you can see, im trying not to get myself thinking much just because he isnt around, because the best part of love is to let go.
I went for this mentor workshop early today, this man said something remarkable like
"if you ♥ someone, one thing you got to give is, independence, because one day when you're not around, they have to stand on their own feet and not yours"
True i think. :)
Anyways, i feel better to be blogging about my true emotions. Hah. :) Tc friends!